dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
