last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
