she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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