when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
