Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
