My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
