sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sext me about skeletons
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
