my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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