my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
