I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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