He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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