i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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