is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize