his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
