i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
