If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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