I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
