Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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