CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
