So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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