After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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