I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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