Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
