It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
