I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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