ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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