Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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