why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
