Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
