dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
