I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
