the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize