forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
