I faked an abortion last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
