Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
