I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
