She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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