Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize