That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't deserve a penis
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
