Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
