when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
