I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
