i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
