can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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