why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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