She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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