I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
