like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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