Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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