do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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