Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
