His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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