We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
