I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize