Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
