she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize