I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
