im drinking this country out of the recession.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
