i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
