You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
