Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
