I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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