i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
