i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
