there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
