why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
