This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
