I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
