Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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