I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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