I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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